Tom the Hen

Tom came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber.  He awoke and found himself standing before the Pearly Gates where St. Peter greeted him, "Welcome, Tom. You died in your sleep."

Tom was stunned.  "I'm dead? No! I can't be! I've got too much to live for...send me back! Please!"  St. Peter replied, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way for you to go back...and that is as a chicken."  Tom was devastated but begged St. Peter to send him back anyway, preferably to a farm near his home.

The next thing Tom knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking at the ground.  A rooster strolled past, "So...you're the new hen, huh?  How's your first day here?"

"Not bad, I guess," replied Tom the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside...like I am gonna explode!"

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster.  "Don't tell me you've never laid and egg?!?"  Tom answered, "Never."

"Well, just relax and let it happen," said the rooster.  "It's really no big deal."

So Tom did as he was told and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!  He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood for the first time.  Then, out popped another egg...the joy was overwhelming!  As Tom was about to lay a third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head and heard his wife's voice: "TOM!  WAKE UP!  YOU JUST SHIT THE BED!!!!"